Sex sells almost as well as fear.

Although I usually discuss my shopping experiences in my other blog, I decided that despite my deep love of wigs and face paint, Halloween stores are just full of crap.

My friends and I visited two Halloween Boutiques last weekend. At the first one, Closet Classics, we had no luck. When we complained about the lack of “plus sized” costumes (which in Halloween Costume terms is anything more than a size 8) the owner said, “I didn’t think anyone other than anorexics would want to wear something like that.” Because chicks with big butts and big tits don’t want to be whorish super heroes, too. Ugh.  Not liking that lady right now.

The next place, Halloween Express, was better.  It was large and well stocked, even though the floor was a gross grease-stained cement.

Now, most of the costumes I discovered could each yield a thesis worth of social commentary.  Like, a Halloween Store isn't complete without hooker boots...

And although I could let the photos speak for themselves, I am going to indulge my desire to categorize and comment.

Making the ordinary and everyday overtly sexual is nothing new to Halloween, but this year I discovered some newly whore-ified professions...

And public servants aren’t the only ones subjected to the sex worker makeover, apparently inanimate objects and fictional serial killers are also open to re-interpretation (read the brick house packaging carefully)...

Then there are the costumes that turn childhood memories into sex fantasies...

Some costumes are clearly intended to be pervert and pedophile bait...

Now, fear sells just as well as sex.  I found only one truly terrifying costume...

And we can’t forget the offensive costumes.  Some costumes are offensive because they aren't really costumes.  I mean, maybe your parents didn't have as many old hippy friends as my parents did, but this guy is a dead ringer to someone who was a guest at my parents' wedding.

But there's more than one way to be offensive, sometimes all it takes is a big ol' dose of misogynystic sexism...

And then there's the method of being offensive by creating grotesque caricatures of beloved public figures.  Is it just me or does that mask on the right look like a demonic Barack Obama?

And just so I don't come off like a dissapproving curmudgeon, here are some things I'd actually buy if I had the money... 

I miss the days when my uncle ran a haunted house and I'd get this stuff at wholesale prices.  Then again my hat collection is probably big enough.