Saturday, November 8, 2008

Introduction to Crap

The first time I used a dictionary, I was looking up the definition of “parrot”. It was grade school, and I was faced with the mysterious task of writing an essay, long before I knew what an essay was. Using a tidbit of Meriam-Webster wisdom as an introduction seemed genius. It was years later in college when I was taught this is considered the most horrid, trite way to begin a written work. More stale than month old white bread. More over-used than a town bicycle. But then again, I’ve always had a soft spot for that sort of crap.

Now when I decided to begin this blog the same way, I was sad to discover that all the internet dictionaries had for me was that crap is nonsense. Although that’s not a bad start, it’s a piss-poor summary. Immediately my mind was popping with witticisms. Sure, crap is one of those vague, catch-all words, but its versatility rivals that of the most overused colloquialisms and the most versatile cuss words. The crap we say, the crap we do. The crap we buy, the crap we believe. The crap on the bottom of our shoes, the crap we eat, the crap in our plumbing. The crap we crap, the crap we love. The crap I give, the crap I get. Crap is not just nonsense, crap is useless and plentiful. Crap is filthy and stinky as well as plastic and overpriced. We say “crap” when the situation is not serious enough to warrant “shit”. We feel like crap when crap happens to us.

This blog is about the crap in my life. I am a pack rat, compulsively collecting and surrounding myself with collections of crap. I am a poet, continuously spouting nonsensical crap that is meant to show off my vocabulary and make people confused or amused. I am a photographer, always searching for and manifesting crazy crap to capture, to frame, to display. And I am also a patient, one for whom the act of crapping has never been simple, and has often been uncomfortable, urgent, and irregular. Life is all about the crap in it. And my life is full of crap.